Archives for posts with tag: evolution

I hope to expand on this [quote below] later, but for now am trying to get back into a habit of a daily writing process… this blog will help me to manifest that endeavor. Even if it’s just a quote that speaks to me in a moment, I think that typing it here might help me to get back into a pattern that I know will serve my evolution of thought, and also my need and penchant for completing word puzzles… and I believe that more and more expansion on simplistic entries will follow from my adopting this daily routine. I actually loathe the word ‘routine’, unless it’s in reference to something that will serve the evolution of a passion. Word[s].
For now…
This post was inspired by and hinges upon this beautiful summation:

“Thought is a wave appearing in consciousness.” (Gangaji) {While I have no idea, at this time, who Gangaji is, I will give him credit for his words. Being, though, that we are each a part of all that is, this thought (and these words derived from this thought) presented itself in the wave of consciousness… and that is of our one collective consciousness. So maybe noting the speaker of a quote isn’t always relevant to its importance or its effect. Or maybe I’m only saying that because, as far as I know, no one has ever plagiarized my work. Yikes.} This is like a puzzle within a puzzle, and I’m finding that typing this out is, in itself, helping me to re-adapt to the solving of the word puzzles, and the dissection and compartmentalization of the intricacies of each wave of thought I experience. Awesomeness.

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I’ve been meaning to write about this for awhile. It’s something I’ve started to consider as something extremely positive for my life… a reversal of habit that I feel like will benefit my my most forward evolution.

I’m recognizing that learning to let go of expectations before immersing myself in a new setting is what makes that immersion the happiest. The happiest, the warmest, the fullest, the most hug-me-close-then-release-me-softly-into-the-world-with-a-blessing-est, the best it can possibly be. Because without expectation that a certain event or series of events will take place, I allow myself to be fully present in the moment of now. I’m not hoping for something not to happen or wishing for something else to happen or wondering why something I wanted to happen isn’t happening. I’m open to whatever is happening… right now.

Because I didn’t expect something or some specific outcome, my mind isn’t attached to that expectation. Rather, my mind is present in the here and now, laughing and dancing and loving all the characters in the novel that is my life as they should be… just as they enter the page and for all the moments in which they exist within this story.

This, like many things, is easier said than done.

I sometimes like to think of the mind as a collection of little muscles that can each be strengthened. This is one little part of my mind, one little muscle, that contains the habit that I’ve gotten into somewhere along the way to here to think into every damn situation before it happens and envision it just how I wish it to be. The strengthening of this muscle over time has, at times, cause somewhat of an adverse effect on my experiences – so I’m making a point, now, to instead develop and strengthen an opposing muscle, one that creates in me the habit to live in the present moment. To force myself back to now… to stop creating a future moment in my mind and instead to create positivity in the reality of today.

Now, let me say this — I’ve stepped into situations with what can be described as a positive outlook while also holding specific expectations and I’ve had great times… sometimes even some of those specific expectations are realized. That’s happened, for sure.

But sometimes, in those scenarios, I recognize myself as not totally present in the now. Possibly because I’m feeling grateful something I had previously worried about didn’t happen… or I’m comparing something that just happened to what I had previously pictured… or because I’m waiting for the next thing to happen [because everything’s going exactly as I had hoped (planned?), so when’s the next thing that I hoped for (planned for?) going to happen?].

Instead of imaging a specific scenario and developing a subconscious hope (which manifests often in an expectation), what is most beneficial for my life is focusing on how I’m bettering myself right now. And knowing that things will be good. Because most likely, they will be.

That’s when I get the most out of an experience.

I’m not saying I won’t think ahead about things. About my life. I do, and I always will. But more so in an arbitrary way; in an excited, I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT’S GOING TO HAPPEN AND I CAN’T WAIT TO FIND OUT BUT I’M GOING TO TAKE IT AS IT COMES AND RIGHT NOW FINISH THIS DELICIOUS SANDWICH I’M EATING type of way. And that’s what manifests. The positivity that comes from knowing this: wherever I am, I will be okay.

I know this because I know myself,

because I trust myself,

because I love myself.

But I didn’t expect. I didn’t expect certain things to happen. I didn’t expect to have a certain sort of conversation with a certain person, to feel a certain way. And so if those expectations aren’t filled, I’m not let down. And if they are fulfilled, I experience them fully, as they are – not because I had imagined them. I get to enjoy them for the first time, for the best time. Then remember them in years to come, for just as they were.

[Although, there is something to be said for imagining things however you choose… because your mind is your own and your memories are based on your own interpretation of your experience, so, may they be whatever paradise you dream up.

Does this negate this whole post? More on that another day.]

A while ago, I wrote about two human emotions: love and fear. An opinion was shared with me belonging to someone whose wisdom I’m often confounded by. I was just getting to know this person when we engaged in a conversation in which he shared with me his idea that there are two emotions that all humans experience and, ultimately, act out of. He told me that all human behavior is dictated by either love or by fear. At the time, I think in part because this was a person whose mind I happened to greatly admire, I took his word for truth. That’s not to say that I didn’t consider the alternatives and question myself as to whether or not this made sense, or really whether or not I even greed that his theory [which was not stated as though it were a theory but rather, fact] was so. I did those things.

It’s just that… that these last few months I’ve experienced emotion fully and on a broad spectrum [perhaps broader than I have ever before experienced in my life] and have concluded that humans are much too complicated and their minds too intricate and with depth too vast to conjecture they act on one of those two emotions alone. I say ‘conjecture’ because the decision to categorize this way is just that…  it’s based on a conclusion deduced by surmise or guesswork [Merriam-webster.com, you’re a peach.]

That being said, I’ve been doing some thinking of my own. A little surmising and guesswork, you could say. A lot of it is due to those far-and-wide-ranging emotions I’ve felt recently. Because I feel something then I analyze the shit out of how I feel until I recognize what and why it is and hopefully, I realize how I can alter it if I don’t see it benefiting me at that time or in the future. Hopefully I can change it into a more positive version of itself… maybe one that serves me better. {Or I meditate and try to not attach myself to any thought… so that those un-thought thoughts don’t manifest themselves in any emotion that might be trying to surface within and mix themselves with it, swirling, bringing it up from its depths within my being, poisoning it. And then, I do some thinking after the period of meditation. Because it’s nice to sit without emotion sometimes. And to not think about how I feel or why it is.}

That said, this is what I’ve concluded: if humans feel too much for all of those feelings and behaviors based on feelings to be categorized into either one of only two emotions [which I believe, wholeheartedly, is the case], then they also can experience emotions or attraction or desires for another human being, any human being, at any given time, place, or dimension. And maybe you feel these things for a person and that person happens to not be of the same gender or sex of whom you felt those things for yesterday. Because we’re humans, and we’re complex. The most complex species on Earth or something. Maybe only second to some sort weird mushroom or miniscule sea-dwelling creature. (I could have just made that up, I’m really not sure. My point is, we’re complex.) So who’s to say that one category can fit all of you in it? That just doesn’t seem fair, asking someone to choose just one category and stay in it. Like, stay in it forever. And you just get to choose one… or the other.

Is that what society wants? Being in one little box (or circle, if that’s how you tend to shape your categories) for your whole life seems like it would get sorta claustrophobic. Why is society trying to make me claustrophobic?

Silly, if you ask me.

Thought manifesting in emotion is what makes me human… and I kinda like that. What’s also sort of amazing is encountering all these people with intense, complex emotions and thoughts. And stuff. Because each of them has challenged what I might feel and believe (and manifest) at some point previously with other viewpoints and ideas and theories and I’ve taken those and stirred them around and mixed them in with what I already had… and I’ve ended up with something more beautiful than before, and much tastier.

So… this is what I have to say about it now. But ask me again in a couple months and I’m sure I’ll have more to say on the matter. Maybe sooner… depends what I feel. 😉

{And that’s what you call the evolution of thought…. oh, snap.}