I’ve been meaning to write about this for awhile. It’s something I’ve started to consider as something extremely positive for my life… a reversal of habit that I feel like will benefit my my most forward evolution.

I’m recognizing that learning to let go of expectations before immersing myself in a new setting is what makes that immersion the happiest. The happiest, the warmest, the fullest, the most hug-me-close-then-release-me-softly-into-the-world-with-a-blessing-est, the best it can possibly be. Because without expectation that a certain event or series of events will take place, I allow myself to be fully present in the moment of now. I’m not hoping for something not to happen or wishing for something else to happen or wondering why something I wanted to happen isn’t happening. I’m open to whatever is happening… right now.

Because I didn’t expect something or some specific outcome, my mind isn’t attached to that expectation. Rather, my mind is present in the here and now, laughing and dancing and loving all the characters in the novel that is my life as they should be… just as they enter the page and for all the moments in which they exist within this story.

This, like many things, is easier said than done.

I sometimes like to think of the mind as a collection of little muscles that can each be strengthened. This is one little part of my mind, one little muscle, that contains the habit that I’ve gotten into somewhere along the way to here to think into every damn situation before it happens and envision it just how I wish it to be. The strengthening of this muscle over time has, at times, cause somewhat of an adverse effect on my experiences – so I’m making a point, now, to instead develop and strengthen an opposing muscle, one that creates in me the habit to live in the present moment. To force myself back to now… to stop creating a future moment in my mind and instead to create positivity in the reality of today.

Now, let me say this — I’ve stepped into situations with what can be described as a positive outlook while also holding specific expectations and I’ve had great times… sometimes even some of those specific expectations are realized. That’s happened, for sure.

But sometimes, in those scenarios, I recognize myself as not totally present in the now. Possibly because I’m feeling grateful something I had previously worried about didn’t happen… or I’m comparing something that just happened to what I had previously pictured… or because I’m waiting for the next thing to happen [because everything’s going exactly as I had hoped (planned?), so when’s the next thing that I hoped for (planned for?) going to happen?].

Instead of imaging a specific scenario and developing a subconscious hope (which manifests often in an expectation), what is most beneficial for my life is focusing on how I’m bettering myself right now. And knowing that things will be good. Because most likely, they will be.

That’s when I get the most out of an experience.

I’m not saying I won’t think ahead about things. About my life. I do, and I always will. But more so in an arbitrary way; in an excited, I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT’S GOING TO HAPPEN AND I CAN’T WAIT TO FIND OUT BUT I’M GOING TO TAKE IT AS IT COMES AND RIGHT NOW FINISH THIS DELICIOUS SANDWICH I’M EATING type of way. And that’s what manifests. The positivity that comes from knowing this: wherever I am, I will be okay.

I know this because I know myself,

because I trust myself,

because I love myself.

But I didn’t expect. I didn’t expect certain things to happen. I didn’t expect to have a certain sort of conversation with a certain person, to feel a certain way. And so if those expectations aren’t filled, I’m not let down. And if they are fulfilled, I experience them fully, as they are – not because I had imagined them. I get to enjoy them for the first time, for the best time. Then remember them in years to come, for just as they were.

[Although, there is something to be said for imagining things however you choose… because your mind is your own and your memories are based on your own interpretation of your experience, so, may they be whatever paradise you dream up.

Does this negate this whole post? More on that another day.]

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