I meant to write this on New Years Day (is that supposed to be capitalized? I feel like I should know that.) but was sort of busy raging a mountain party to welcome in the new year… I know you’ll forgive me. Also, I forgive myself. So there’s that.

Moving along…

I want to write a couple resolutions for myself; affirmations I wish to adopt into my life and put into practice in 2012. If the growth I’ve experienced in 2011 was any indication of what’s to come, things are on the up and up.

I’m grateful for that.

I passed around a new, blank journal I received for Christmas at our get together on New Years Day and everyone wrote things that they’d like to embody in 2012 in it. There’s some beautiful stuff in that book… I kind of love these people I’m lucky enough to call friends. This list is a continuation of what I wrote for myself, but is also influenced by what I’ve learned from these wonderful humans who blanket me in their love.

In 2012…

  • I will judge less and listen more.

Judging someone before I truly know their mind and soul doesn’t really benefit anyone involved. And, does that even ever happen? Do you ever know someone’s mind… someone’s inner most wants and needs, fears and desires? Do you ever truly know someone’s soul? I’m not sure you can. Not fully. The layers of a person, of ourselves, go deeper than we can possibly ascertain. I think the ultimate goal is to know yourself. And one could spend a lifetime doing that. So if it takes a lifetime to know yourself, how long might it take to know another?

Exactly.

And therein lies my resolution: I will work to not judge another human being as I can’t possibly know the depths and the core and scale of where they are truly coming from. Maybe all people really want is for someone to know them… and while this might be impossible, I know that listening sure as hell helps.

This leads me to my next resolution…

  • I will see every person as a friend.

If I’m not judging, this makes it much easier to love. And doesn’t everyone want love? I think so. Because loving someone feels awesome. And the feeling of knowing you’re loved feels just about equally as awesome. (It’s also much easier to strike up a conversation with someone if you see them as your friend already, before even knowing him or her. Just a little side note, to make social situations a little less stressful than they can sometimes be… especially those which exist right outside of our comfort zones.)

We’re all in this together. So, let’s be friends. (It will things a lot more fun, I promise.)

  • I will see time by myself as an opportunity to grow.

I’ve struggled with this a little bit, especially recently. I’ve lived essentially by myself in the mountains for the last six months. There have been times where I’ve felt lonely. And then I try to stop and think about it: we are all alone, really. We are born alone and one day we will return to the earth from whence we came… alone. And if I can’t be comfortable in my aloneness, how comfortable can I truly be with others? Being able to be alone and feel okay about it is the first step on the road to loving myself. At least for me, that makes sense.

And… if you don’t truly love yourself, I have a hard time believing you can truly and fully, with confidence and without expectation, love another. When I’m at my lowest, I attribute my existence in that place to feelings I’m experiencing about myself… it’s not based on how anyone else is making me feel. What’s that one quote? …ah, yes: “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” And the reciprocal is true as well: you’re only going to feel your best if you can go to a place within yourself, a happy home that exists within your soul… a place you can retreat to when you need a little pick-me-up, a reminder of the divinity we all carry.

Sometimes when I feel lonely, I recognize I’m experiencing constraining thoughts of what I might be missing elsewhere. A good friend told me recently to remember that whatever I’m doing is the most awesome thing to be doing. This year and always, I’m going to work to internalize that.

“i am exactly where i need to be
i need to be exactly where i am
i am not aimlessly existing see
i am in perfect harmony with universal energy
and i am truly free when i accept my own divinity

The path to loving myself is under my feet, and 2012 feels like a good year to pick up my pace. And maybe dance a little more, too. [The first day of the new year I danced for about eight hours straight and it was the best day I’ve had in a while. I’m just saying.]

  • I will remember that we are all magnets… we attract the same energy that we expel.

And this goes both ways. I’m over putting out negativity into the universe. There’s enough of that already. From here on out, I will strive to embody only love and light. We are all made of it. So let’s return to that, to those roots. It’s true that when I see someone dancing, loving, experiencing enjoyment in their life, I see their light. And it makes me happy. I see in others what I see in myself… that dance, that love, that joy, comes out in me. Because that person’s magnetized energy attracts all of the same thing in me. I am so grateful to those that bring that energy out in me, and I only want to produce and expel and attract the same in others.

“if you look at me close enough you will see a dark stormy night
and what is night without it’s polar opposite of sunlight
so if you watch the way my hands sway
you’ll see the light of day
and everyday is a testament to the sediment of the earth’s core
it’s ever spinning enormous force so if you look at me just right
you will see a spark of the source
but the most fascinating thing about this, and it’s true
is that if you look at me close enough, you see you
it’s only what you perceive how you believe the space between
you and me
that creates reality”

)))(love)(((

and finally…

  • I will listen to this song more; its message speaks to me, and internalizing it will come with time… I know this to be true.

***

Blessings to you in 2012!

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